Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
