i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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