booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
