I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
