me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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