he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
