I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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