its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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