Im at strip club and am horny
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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