why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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