The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
