Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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