I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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