My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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