Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
