The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
