HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
