ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
