This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
