she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
