I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
