When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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