FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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