she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
