I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
