my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
