So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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