I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
