I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
