I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
