i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I am naked and annoyed.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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