I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
