So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
