You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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