I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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