So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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