i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
