he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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