I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
