Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
