Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize