I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
