how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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