I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
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you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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