lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
