Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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