She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
