You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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