Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
