Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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