My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
