It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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